I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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