I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
