So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize