I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
