why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
