would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
