Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
