I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize