Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
