I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
