he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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