i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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