True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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