She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
