The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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