I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
