It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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