I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
