Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
