So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
