the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
