Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
