Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
