Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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