in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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