i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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