Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
