I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
