weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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