dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drake has all the answers
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize