I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
