a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
