my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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