Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
