if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
