The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
