Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
