So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
