cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize