Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
