I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
