I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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