What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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