he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
