just tell him i said nine months
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
