If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
