i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
