I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
