having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
