Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it hurts more in the daytime
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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