Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
