It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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