Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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