I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize