I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
