I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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