so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
