You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
