I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
