Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
