YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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