my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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