I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
