can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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