And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
3 2 1 whiskey
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
