Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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