Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
