So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
