While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
