So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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