Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
